Sunday, July 13, 2008

I'm a slacker

I know, I know, my blogging has been less than stellar lately... Spent all day yesterday at the water park with my friend and her two kids (the one being the kid who was quite cruel to Jaymes a couple days ago.) and then went out to dinner.

The water park was really awesome, they have some new slides and just a lot nicer than when I went there back in... 7th grade. My favorite had to be the Electric Slide, a looooong green twisting enclosed tunnel slide that is a full 30 seconds long. Pretty long for a waterslide. The bummer, of course, was that the slides all had flights and flights of stairs to climb, and I am not in the best of physical condition.

My friend's daughter decided she just had to go on the huge scary dropslides, so I stupidly volunteered to go. It was the highest slide platform in the entire park, and possibly in the entire county, and yours truly is terrified of heights. To make ti worse, the child in front of us was holding the railing with one hand and leaning back, and I was afraid she was going to knock me over backwards.

There are three slides. The yellow is apparently the most popular. It's pretty much 90 degrees straight down. The white slide is enclosed at the top, and opens at the slightly more sloping 80 degree angle. The blue one, which I chose because it was the least terrifying, is more of a gradual descent with three or four "speed bumps". I thought this meant when I hit the bumps, I would slow down.

So, I was shaking when I sat down. I was told to keep my arms folded and legs crossed, so I did that, and reluctantly went down. At first it was kind of a "whee, I'm doing it!"

Then it was a "Holy mother of god, why did I get on this?!"

Then it was "I'm going to die!"

Then it was "OWWWW" and my rear end slammed against speed bump number one, then two. Speed bumps three, and four went unnoticed in my absolute panic, and I found i was no longer able to keep my legs crossed, but wedged against either side of the waterslide to slow me down. Didn't work.

Hit the bottom, which is a long, flat, wet road to the get-off area, and the water shoved my shorts so far up my rear end that I think I may have tasted them.

Not ever doing that again. Nope.

We spent some time recuperating in the Lazy River, though I think there was more urine than river in it. Then thunder started up, so they ordered everyone out of the water. We thought it would be worthwhile to try and wait it out, as we only had about three hours at the park. So, we sat under shelter behind the ice cream stand. Probably a bad idea, on the part of my friend. Her son had a tantrum over not being able to have ice cream right then and there, which escalated in screaming and hitting.I felt her pain, Jaymes would have been worse. It was kind of funny in a way, though, and lord knows I'm used to that kind of moment!

We did finally give up, and got rainchecks and headed home. They plan to use their rainchecks for their "vacation" in Fort Myers later this year, so that's great. I don't know if I'll get to use mine, was going to go today but Jason's mom had a fit over me driving.

Dinner was at Olive Garden, the best salad I have ever had. It was SOOOO good. And also the best chicken alfredo ever. Yum yum. I have not been to Olive Garden in a very loooong time, and I was all happy with how they spoil you. She actually put the remains of my alfredo into a box, and wrote "chicken alfredo" on it. Usually the gal at Denny's throws a box at me and I get to scrape my mess into it!

Oh, and I broke my tooth.I was really hungry, and I suppose was eating more voraciously than I should have been and I bit down hard on what I thought was chicken. Turned out to be fork. So now my left front tooth has a large corner broken off. Doesn't hurt, but it feels weird and it's sharp as anything.

Jaymes was so happy to see me when I got home. It was really sweet. During their day, the kids had gone to garage sales with Jason and his mother, and they got these really cool Fur Real Friends things. One is a white tiger, and one is an orange leopard. You pet their heads and they sit up or lay down, and make sounds. When you shove a finger in their mouths (must have had bottles at some point) they make sucking sounds and lay down and go to sleep. When you touch their backs, they purr and squirm. They're so adorable! The kids love them. Jaymes got the tiger and Sierra got the leopard. I'm surprised they even like them, usually robotic type toys scare the bezeebies out of Jaymes, and Sierra saw a remote control pig and about had heart failure.

I'm looking forward to getting home. This trip has taught me that I love where we live now. I do not miss a thiing about this place, except for the people, and our old pediatrician's office. I have concluded that I despise the entire state of Florida, the sun, the sand, and the ocean, and that I am definately better suited to living in North Carolina.

I have also concluded that my mother in law is a pain in the rear. not only does she decide to forbid us from driving our own car to the water park because we "might break down or get in an accident" but she also shovels sugar, candy, chips, and sticky things into my children. GRRR.

I want to go home.


all-canadian said...

I love your writing style! This post made me laugh out loud a couple of times. Hope you had a great vacation :)

Amber DBTD said...

LOL, glad to be a source of amusement. But seriously, you'd have been dying of laughter watching me take that super scary waterslide trip. I'm still freaked out thinking about it.

Denise said...

The description of the water slide, rofl - I've been that woman. I have vowed to never go to another water park ever again because I will forget the OMG I'm going to die moment and volunteer to go with a kid on some truly horrible so not fun slide.

NEVER going. EVER.

Lori said...

You've put the fear of g*d in me about that water park with the Lazy Yellow River.

The scary thing is, I think I live near there.

Megan said...

Great water park story. Nothing like seeing your life flash before your eyes at 40mph, straight down.

And speed bumps!