Thursday, February 26, 2009

We're all on drugs

But I do really, really, really like the feeling of drifting slowly into a Percocet induced delirium each night. As you know, I went and fractured my pelvis riding Batty, and really the only thing I can do comfortably is stand. Sitting hurts, and laying down kills. The first night I had not been able to fill my Percocet prescription, and spent the entire night squirming and trying unsuccessfully to find a comfortable or even tolerable position. Come morning, I hurt even more than I did when I went to bed. As a result, the plan has been Percocet around 11pm every night. I get great sleep, and I don't feel anything. The pain stays gone for about 12 hours, which is wonderful. I'm sore and grumpy in the afternoons, because I cannot take the Percocet during the day. It makes me too loopy.

Anyway, my point was that there is nothing more relaxing than plopping into bed to watch I Love Lucy on DVD and feeling that warm, comforting, dizzying fog of pain relief descend upon me. And I have all these deep thoughts while it happens. Things you ponder only in that barely conscious state of mind. I don't remember any of those ponderings, but I know that they were profound and full of wisdom.

I think.

Jaymes too is on drugs. We switched from the Clondine pill 4 times a day to the patch. It is so much simpler, so much less stressful. No forgetting to do a dose, no peaks and valleys of behavior. It's all a fairly stable, consistancy of mood. He's cranky, but not hysterically so. He's cuddly, but not comatose. It works well for me.

School hates it, I guess he's not as good there now. I hate to be cruel, but it kind of serves them right, for doubting me when I said he's a holy terror at home and an angel for them. See now, I really was not lying! I'm sure it's just a temporary thing for him, and he'll settle down at school. He has had a weird schedule, missing a lot the last couple weeks and that is most likely his trouble.

Moving on with this post, i'm just curious about something medication related. Why are so many people so rabidly against medications? And against Risperdal in particular? I remember making a very innocent comment on Squid's blog post aobut Risperdal working so well for her son, said something along the lines of "Well, Risperdal has been the miracle drug for Jaymes." and I got (supposedly, I never saw it before it was deleted) an earful about how horrible Risperdal was.

On the broader subject of medication in general, I'll say that at first I really did avoid it. I hated the thought of drugging my child, because that's what was done to me from an early age. I remember how sick and uncomfortable the meds made me feel, or the swings in mood and energy level. I remember spitting the pills to avoid how sick I knew they'd make me feel. When I got older, I felt like I was different and messed up, and thats why I was being forced to take pill after pill.

From day one, I have always known I never want my kids to feel like they are broken or messed up, or that they have to be medicated to be tolerated. I didn't want to sedate my son to make life easier for me. I didn't want to put chemicals into his body when it was all just behavioral anyway.

But I finally gave in, gave it a try, and realized that while, yes, I am medicating Jaymes and pretty much sedating him... It's helping him and us. He can't function when he is so worked up over tiny things. He doesn't like to be angry all the time. The medication helps him even out his mood so that he can learn and play and be a regular kid. Our doctors understand my dislike of sedating him, and they are very careful to use only the smallest effective dose. We don't want him comatose on the couch (as quiet and convenient as that may be), nor do we want him bouncing off the walls.

It took me a long time to figure out that no, there is not a magical pill that will make life simple and relaxing again. Nothing is going to immediately change who Jaymes is, make him more manageable, no chemical babysitters for me. I was annoyed at first in seeing no real difference, nothing I could notice really.

We changed meds a few times. Some he did ok on, some he did better on, some he didn't do well at all on. Some made him sleep, some made him angry, some made him bounce off the walls like Flubber. We learned that there is no one medication that will help everyone, and there is NO medication that will FIX the problem.

Risperdal was, for us, the miracle drug. It made Jaymes calm enough to handle in public, kept him quiet enough to play and perform basic tasks without getting upset. It saved us hours of screaming crying fits and we appreciated that. We did realize that after awhile, the Risperdal seemed to work a little less and less. We also found out, much later on, that he was being overdosed horribly on it by a doctor who hasd no clue what she was talking about, and that that might veyr well be the reason for it not working anymore.

We got him on a regular, small dose. We added the Clonidine. We tweaked dosages and pills vs patches vs liquids. Finally we found a happy medium. We'll see how long it lasts. maybe a month, maybe 5 years. You never know. I'm glad I relented and gave the meds a try, it has probably saved my sanity and kept Jaymes from some serious injuries he would have inflicted on himself.

I guess I just don't understand why some people feel the need to crucify others for using medication or for saying a particular medication worked wonders for their child. Why get angry over it? I guess I'm just a laid back type of person about things. Most things anyway.

What is so horrible about Risperdal in general? Does it have a reputation I'm not aware of? I was told that it's the most commonly used medication for young kids with autism, and it has worked better fo us than anything else has. anyone have horror stories?

I've got Prozac, Ritalin, adderal horror stories, myself.

I did not want


luvmycrazyboy said...

I love Risperdal too! I wrote a post not to long ago about how I feel about meds, and outs sound pretty similar. Do what you think is best for your son, and for those of you who criticize someone elses choice-screw off.

Amber DBTD said...

WTF, I must have been on the Percocet when I wrote this post. Oh the errors, the typos, the bad grammar... Not to mention the completely out of place partial sentence at the end. Geeze.

tora said...

adderal isn't so bad. for me anyway. it was horrible when i was 5 though, so my mom took me off it. now i'm 17 so it doesn't affect me as much, just enough that i can do my work. it also helps that i'm on extended release capsules lol