Friday, February 20, 2009

We are all flawed. Except me. Oh wait, that's not what I meant. Um.. Can you repeat the question?

Pretty much every therapy session or doctor's appointment for Jaymes has a way of pointing out my obvious parenting flaws in subtle and not so subtle ways. It tends to come by way of screaming fits when I join the therapy session, or the therapist innocently commenting that Jaymes might possibly know how to manipulate mommy.

Yeah, I get it. My very obvious parenting flaws have been written about on and on here, so we'll just avoid that for the moment. I have non-mommy related flaws that are just so much more interesting.

I am lazy. Yes. I have to force myself to clean the house, or to write out my blog posts, or work on my website. I would much rather sit on the computer typing away in my favorite horsey-chat or on one of the several forums I post on. Mopping the floor? Meh. As some blogger I like once said "mopping is hazerdous". You could fall and break a leg. Concussion! Serious stuff, there. I can't afford to break a leg until my pelvis had had time to heal.

I am impulsive. I decide I have to have something and I have a way of trying to (or succeeding!) obtain it with little thought to the consequences. When I get angry, I tend to whip out furious emails without thinking about how idiotic I will feel later on.

I am an unholy bitch when I'm angry. Yeah, can't help it. I don't get angry often, I'm generally very quiet and spend a lot of time playing doormat to those who are more confident than me. Even when I get mad, you'll never hear me yell (Ok, maybe Jason) or get nasty... You'll get a nasty, nasty email. I'm a chicken, what can I say. Face to face confrontation is something I cannot handle- so I don't.

Which brings us to my next flaw- I'm a great believer in avoidance. I tend to avoid things that make me uncomfortable in hopes that they'll just go away. They tend not to, and putting it off just makes it that much more awkward though.

And you know what sucks? I'm one of those morons who giggles when they're nervous. You know how embarrassing it is to try and keep a straight face when you're furious or panicked and all you want to do is giggle? Seriously, giggling in such situations tends not to be received well.

Good news is this: I could be SO much worse. I could be one of those people who goes into a store and abuses the staff because they don't have the teapot I wanted in metallic orange with purple panda bears on it. I could be the prick who drives up behind you on the highway and tailgates you when you're already going 10 miles OVER the speed limit. I could be the doctor who doesn't spend enough time talking to you to know what the hell you're there for, or the specialist who doesn't bother looking at your kid before telling you what's wrong. I could be that guy who went out and got drunk and ran over your mailbox. I could be the neighbor who reports you to CPS for hearing yelling at your house, or who has a bush that sticks so friggin far out into the road that it almost causes accidents on a daily basis. I could be the guy who pounds on everyone's doors when he finds horse poop anywhere within 200 miles of his house. I could be the guy at the fast food place who refuses to give you your 5 BBQ sauces even though you come EVERY week and ALWAYS get 5, and the management knows you ALWAYS get 5 no matter what.

We're all flawed, and we're all assholes in some situation. True, some of us take more abuse than others, and some of us can tolerate a lot before we do finally go into "I KEEL YOU, BASTARD" mode. Some of us are incapable of going into that mode. some of us are really so revoltingly sweet that someone could slap our baby in the head and we'd coo "That wasn't nice, Mr. Slappypants" and hand them a cookie. Humans are a truly bizarre, flawed bunch.

What are your flaws? Are you flawless? If I whack you with a salmon, will you punch me, sweetly tell me no, or give me a balloon?

Note: Can any of you tell which posts are written while I'm on my pain meds, and which are not? LOL.


luvmycrazyboy said...

After I vomited, because I hate fish, I would punch you in the face while I was crying. When I get angry, I cry. I don't get taken serious when I'm angry, usually because I'm crying. I have similar flaws, I am non confrontational and let too much go, plus I make excuses for other behavior.

minivan driving soccermom said...

The first time you slap me, I'd probably let you get away w/ it...politly tell you I don't like that please don't do it again...the next time I will disown you...if you do it again, I will kill your ass!!! Once you've reached my "I want to kill you" anger level, you can't even look at me cross eyed or I will attack! lol