Friday, February 27, 2009

I'm tired. And muse-less. Where did my muse go?

Normally I have like 50 different topics I wan to make posts about. Lots of thoughts in my head, so much I want to get out there. Not so much lately. I'm tired. Not "worked hard all day long" tired. Nor "New mommy, baby kept me up all night" tired. Just tired. I got home from Jaymes therapy yesterday, fell asleep a few times on the van ride home and thanked my lucky stars Jason was home because it was all I could do to hobble to the couch and fall asleep. I woke up a bit later and had dinner, but then went back to sleep around 7:30ish. Woke up on and off to eat some sherbet, then play around on the internet looking for therapy item ideas for Jaymes' caseworker, then back to sleep.

Oh sleep, how I love you. I love being warm and snuggly in my blanket, with my enormous yellow dog squished between me and the back of the couch. I love waking briefly at 2am, looking at the clock, and thinking "yay! 5 more hours to sleep!" before drifting back off. I love that dreamless sleep, because I don't dream- I have nightmares. I have them constantly, which is one reason I'm loving having the Percocet (it knocks me out too deep for dreaming). I have a few nightmares that I have regularly, and though I know at this point how they end, they still scare the heck out of me. I hate nightmares. Funny thing though, the other night I was in the midst of my Rainbow cake induced nightmare about the cat-people who wanted to rip me limb from limb, and in my dream I thought to myself "Well, this is scary as hell but I really like sleeping and it is just a dream" and oddly the dream wasn't as scary. I guess even unconscious, I still value sleeping over anything else! I don't know why I'm so tired.

And NO, I'm not pregnant. Bite your figurative tongues!

Are any of you fans of the TV show Charmed? I really wasn't, and am not too thrilled with it at this point only because it seems so friggin repetitive (demons attack, sisters slay demons, problem solved). Jason got the entire series on DVD for Xmas (I think?) and we've been watching. we have one season left to go. It's a decent show, some parts better than others. Whoever it is that plays Leo- nom nom nom. He is CUTE.

My point was this. In one of those episodes, some freakish demon is attacking all the muses of the world. My muse appears to have gone AWOL, and I'm getting pretty darn sick of it. I tell you, it better have a good excuse, like being sucked into an evil ring by a demon with the power to shoot flames from his rear end or something cool like that, because I am getting REALLY sick of not knowing what to write about.

Part of the problem is that I'm at a point of not wanting to think about the A word. Autism. Sometimes you just want to forget it exists. I don't feel like dealing with things right now, I really just want to take an advil and a nap! Jaymes will be home in about an hour, hopefully he's in a good mood.

He's so cute, bouncing off the bus like he's a big man. He loves the bus ride, he runs up there and doesn't want me to help him at all. He smiles out the windows, and when he gets home there's a big smile on his face. It's weird, I know that as a kid I hated the bus. It was my worst fear. So many kids, and no one would ever let me sit next to them. But then I guess it makes sense that a preschool bus would be less daunting, doesn't it.

Good for Jaynes: He's braver, cuter, and has more energy than his mommy. What can I say? I made a quality munchkin.

Anyone have an ideas on things you'd like to hear me babble about? Please? Anything? Put it in the comments. Please!

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