First off, I swear I don't plan for all the drama to happen at once.. It just seems to. In the midst of our marital troubles, Sierra being in the hospital, Jaymes being Jaymes, apparently one other thing happened.
I was pregnant- Didn't know it. But I guess maybe all the stress of the last couple weeks got to me. I ended up having a miscarriage, which is why I've been a grumpy bitch all week. I've been in a lot of pain and doped up on Ibuprofen (Loooove those Walmart brand softgel things) and haven't felt like dealing with anything or anyone. I finally went to the urgent care place, and they pretty much said it's not a huge deal. It was a VERY early pregnancy, and the miscarriage should just finish up and go away on it's own without any nasty treatment. I'm already pretty much back to normal, which is good... No more popping softgels.
I guess it's for the best... This would have been a terrible time for another baby. Jaymes and Sierra both need me, and they would have both had more issues arise if I had had this baby.
But on the other hand, it's hard for me. I love being a mother, I love my kids. I do want one more some day, and I can't help but wonder... Was it a boy or a girl? Would it have been like Jaymes, or like Sierra? What color hair would it have had, what color eyes?
I know, it's stupid, it wasn't anything that even remotely resembled a baby at such an early point... But still.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
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5 comments:
I am so sorry for your loss.
Oh, Amber!
((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Sorry about that, Squish. I don't know what to say accept that. My mother has gone through this and she said there is nothing good you *can* say, so I will just say sorry.
Oh, Amber, I just read your post and I'm so sorry. I wondered if that might be the case when you were describing your problems on the forum since I had the same thing happen to me once. I, too, still wonder what might have been.
Aw aweetie that sucks! As you know, I went through the same thing a little while ago, and it's really hard, even when it isn't the best timing. <3 Big hugs. You'll have your third baby when the time is right.
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