Saturday, June 28, 2008

A Little Background...

Jaymes is four. Jaymes is ADORABLE. Jaymes is a pain in the rear, more so than your typical toddler. There are two reasons for this, one being the obvious: he has Autism. The other reason is that he is his mother's child. The boy is stubborn, surly, opinionated, and easily aggravated. Add to that the fact that his father (who has only met him once, mind you, and will henceforth be referred to as Stupid DNA Donor) was lacking in redeeming qualities and in any real personality.

Jaymes is wily. He knows that when we go to evaluations, he is being watched, and for whatever reason, he tends to behave like a perfect angel. he also behaves at school. I believe this is because he plans to convince the world I am insane, thus giving him access to all the cookies and candy I do not allow him to have.

Jaymes is smart. He can open most any lock, find a way to get into even the highest cabinet. He can open most packages, and delights in waiting until the supervising adult has gone into the restroom to slam the door shut and bolt to the kitchen to steal the cheese from the fridge. He knows he can get in a few bites before the hapless adult has a chance to get pants fastened, door opened, and run to the kitchen. Once caught, the cheese is handed over politely.

He used to be so good in public. It was at home we had the most trouble. In the last year that has changed, and Jaymes is pretty much the same wherever we go (assuming it's not an evaluation of some sort.)

Standing in line at Walmart? Cue the tantrum. Little old ladies gasp in horror as my child violently throws himself to the floor and beats his head, thrashes, and screams. Nope, he's not doing it because he wants candy. No, he's not being a brat. Ok, well he is, but not intentionally! No, your not-so-quiet comments about what awful parents we are don't help, lucky for you I'm spineless and won't tell you where to shove your damned prunes.

At the library, playing in the little toddler corner? Let's all watch Jaymes take all the chairs so he can arrange them over and over. God forbid anyone sits in any of them, if you are in one of JAYMES' chairs, you better be ready to get up. Dare to take a chair from him or tell him no? Prepare to snatch him up and tear out of the library before his piercing screams get the family banned for life. You'd think I'd have known better than to bring Jaymes into the Library, but I'm either a slow learner or a masochist- we take him a couple times each month.

Every trip to a store or public place brings with it the dread and humiliation, and of course the homocidal thoughts aimed at the people who feel a need to pass judgement on us. My husband runs into the library now, while I sit with the screaming child. We stare straight ahead and ignore the snide remarks and staring that we get at the store. It's not fun to go out anymore, and most trips end with me wanting to throttle Jaymes.

Other parents don't get it. Of course I love Jaymes. He is my reason for being, the light of my life, the greatest gift I could ever have received. He is my life, everything I do, I do for Jaymes. But sometimes I can't stand him. I would be lying if I said there had never been a moment I wished he would just be normal. Yeah, I'm sick of being stared at. I hate going in public with him, I hate trying to hush him up and make him behave. Those things do not make me a bad parent, regardless of how bad it looks when I have to drag my bellowing toddler from the store by his wrists.

No, I won't just let him get away with it. Sometimes (I admit it) I am too tired to fight it, and i let Jaymes do whatever forbidden thing he is doing, be it stealing food off my plate, taking all the cans out of the cabinet, arranging his chairs. But the vast majority of the time, when he is fussing, it's because I'm NOT allowing him to do something that he knows he shouldn't be doing. Don't tell me to let him do it. Why am I so cruel? He's disabled, he needs to be allowed to do as he wants. NO. It's not ok, it's not acceptable, and I really don't care if you don't mind. I DO mind. Everytime he gets away with something, he's becoming more and more confused about what is and what is not allowed. In the case of my child, if you give an inch, he will take a mile. He is just that smart.

My kid drives me up the wall. But you know, when all is said and done at the end of the day, I can sit and laugh about my day of toddler wrestling, the deafening roars, the all out tantrums. The licking of the wall, the arranging of the chairs, the stealing of the pepperoni. Jaymes is my little goofball, and in hindsight all his antics make for very good (and funny) stories.


EquineSpirit said...

((HUGS!!)) I fully understand your blog through and through. My son is 5 1/2 and the youngest of our kidlets. Anyway...I added your blog to my favorites so I'll be checking back often. Thanks for blogging...

Amber said...

Glad you like it!

caroline said...

"henceforth be referred to as Stupid DNA Donor"
LOL i love it
love your blog, just found it,thanks for starting my day with a laugh
im a single parent from ireland, with two daughters 16 and 6 (asd)