Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Crises of the week

Ah, it's that time again. Every now and then, you just really need a good whine. Feel free to skip over this one, though. I wouldn't blame ya. Except, there will be some positives at the end, as always. Consider that my attempt to look at the glass as half full, instead of half empty. Or broken in jagged pieces on the floor in a puddle of milk that I will inevitably step into, cut my foot, slip in the milk, and break a leg. Oh wait, we were talking positivity, weren't we?

School first. I love school, I really do. It's really nice to get human interaction. Even math is pleasant because the teacher is really a cool guy with a sense of humor on par with my own (twisted? Nah. Well...). I only actually have two classes that I "go" to. The others are online. I go to English and math on Mon and Wed. I love English, for obvious reasons. I love to write, I enjoy getting good grades in it, and I find many uses for the papers I'm writing there. Also, that teacher is pretty cool as well. Again, somewhat twisted sense of humor. Very unique math teaching lessons- priceless, in fact.

I was supposed to be whining, sorry about that. I run off on a tangent more often than not, although you all should know that by now. Read at your own risk. Uh... Talking about school. I'm getting kind of overwhelmed. All the work is piling up at a time when I have no time to myself to DO the work. I have a math test on Monday (my birthday, incidentally. Woohoo, big 24.), a 10 page history paper in a few weeks, a literary analysis paper due soon, a Powerpoint presentation (and no Powerpoint on my computer..ack...), 2 Psychology quizzes and a discussion board due today(-eyetwitch-)... ACK. Panic. Hard to concentrate on anything (hence this post being oddly rambling and disjointed) with Jason home all the time, Sierra making noise, the dogs being annoying, the cat attacking Sierra's milk, Jason yelling at the cat, Sierra yelling at the cat...

Point being, I need to get some work done. Also, my perfectionism kills me. I got several papers back today in English. One was 100, which is great, although I'm not sure that paper deserved 100. Another got a 93, and another a 92 (I think.) I really prefer 100's. Or 99's. It pains me to get anything lower, because if I'd have tried harder and proofread a little more and researched the use of the goddamned SEMICOLONS, I would have gotten the grade I wanted. I hate when I do sloppy work. I need to do better.

I emailed the school today to ask for another IEP meeting (I know, it's only been 2 weeks since the last one.. blech...) to discuss Jaymes' hearing loss, his hearing aids, and ways the school can make it easier for him to participate abd learn. They will be overjoyed, I am sure. I wish I could just be nice and pleasant and happy all the time, but the school is not taking Jaymes hearing aids seriously. Although, neither is anyone else. I seem to be the only person who thinks he needs them, and who sees a benefit. Also, I am the only person who remembers to turn them on when he wears them, and off when he takes them off. Meh. I feel like I'm always riding that poor teacher, and I feel awful about it. But given the choice between the teacher's feelings or my kid's education.. Well, what choice do I have?

I miss Jaymes. Wednesdays, I don't even see him. My meds knock me out from 10pm-9am, so Jason puts him on the bus. Then I leave at 2 and don't get home from class until after bedtime. Makes me sad not to see my little snugglepuff.

Jaymes is having a really hard time right now with separation anxiety. When I leave the house for any period of time, for any reason, Jaymes goes hysterical. He screams and cries and thrashes and is in a state of pure panic for however long it takes for me to come back. Literally, he can cry for hours. It breaks my heart to see him cry like that when I have to leave. Poor little booger, I don't know what's going on with him right now.

Sierra is being a muffinhead lately. She is being very pushy and defiant, hitting me or daddy or the dogs and spitting, biting, etc. It's really not like her. I'm hoping it's just a phase and she'll cut it out soon, she's too cute and sweet to be rotten!

Jason continues to sit at home and stress me out. He plays his games and yells at the TV. Or obsessively cleans things. Or complains about his ex-job. He needs to go back to work before I go insane.

I guess we're talking about going to Florida for Xmas. My mom offered to help with gas, so if I can find a dogsitter and a horsesitter, we may as well go. It's a good time, with Jason being home. I hate FL and do not want to go, but Jason really does and it would be nice to see my grandma and my aunt and all my FL friends. But I hate the drive, and I hate the weather. We'd be home before Jaymes' birthday, which is a big deal to me. Probably have another birthday party nobody comes to except Kristi, who is the best loyal buddy I could ask for.

My weight is bothering me a lot. I feel like a cow, I hate how I look, but I hurt too much from my horse accident to exercise much and I'm hungry all the time. And tired. I guess there isn't much point to dieting this time of year, I may as well do it after the holidays. I just hate looking at the scale and seeing that I'm 30 pounds more than I used to be. I was happy when I was 120. That was ok. I lose weight, then I gain it right back, frustrating!

Worried about the holidays and how we're going to get the kids gifts and make their Christmas good... Traditions matter a lot to me, I want my kids to have wonderful memories of really special holidays, not years when we can't pay rent, no less buy a Christmas tree.

And at this point, having accidentally hit the "post" button, I'm going to give up. My positivity for the day?

My kids are awesome. My kids are smart, and adorable, and wonderful. My dogs are friendly, but stupid. My horse is a grumpy old wench, and she and I are a great fit. We have a turkey in the freezer. It could be worse.

No comments: