Well, after my last post that was pretty much verbal vomit, I'm happy to report that I'm happy. Seriously, all of the sudden last week the depression just went poof and I haven't seen it since. The anxiety has gone down so much that I don't need to pop Klonopin throughout my day. It's weird how one minute I was wishing I was dead and then suddenly it was all good. My brain is a mystery.
So I'm actually motivated to do things, talk to people, etc. No more sleeping all day and stumbling through each day like I have been. I'm going to be optimistic and say that perhaps this last year's worth of depression and anxiety is finally over and I can get back to living my life again.
Jaymes was with us all weekend, and he was just so good. He's been such a happy, friendly, pleasant child. He's actually cuddly, and wants to snuggle with me and watch tv, hold hands, etc. We took the kids to the mall to eat and he thoroughly enjoyed his chicken tenders and fries, before giving me the sad face and finishing off my root beer float.
I was actually worried about having Jaymes that weekend because the Friday before, I had my wisdom teeth removed. Between being in intense pain from the incisions and stitches and swelling, and being out of it from the Vicodin, I was not sure I could handle him. But he was fine, and aside from the pain I was fine to handle him. Food, on the other hand.... not so much. Been eating a lot of mashed potatoes and pudding. Chewing is not something that looks very tempting right now!
We have Jaymes all weekend again this week, and on Saturday I have a horse show that I'm really excited about. I'm going with my best friend and taking along a couple of my riding lesson kids too. I'm not sure I'll win anything, being fat and out of shape, but it's worth a try!
Anyway, the point of this post was to assure you all that I'm not insane anymore and will not be offing myself in the near future. Jaymes is doing wonderfully and will be home with us full time in the next couple of weeks... All in all, things are shaping up to the way they should be, rather than the chaotic hell that they have been.