More updating, sorry for the lack of a catchy title

I visited Jaymes twice today... I like that I can visit twice a day, even if only for 2 hours. The weekdays will suck, I can only see him an hour in the afternoon, but 2 hours in the evening. The nurses said that they haven't really been able to get him to eat, so they gave me his pizza and I sat in the middle of his playing with Thomas trains and fed it to him one tiny piece at a time. A trick that I learned from the OT back when Jaymes wasn't a little stomach with legs. At least I got something into him. I also brought them a box of Lucky Charms to use as incentive to finish meals/do tasks he doesn't like/as a reward. If they tell him "dinner first, then Lucky Charms," I know he will eat.

I played trains with him for an hour and a half, then we went back to his room and I gave him his bath. Apparently I am too stupid to work the shower/tub at the hospital. I guess they made it so you can't really take a bath (there's no button to make the drain stop draining) so that suicidal teens can't drown themselves... However there was also no little button to pull up so the shower sprays instead of the faucet. So, rather than look clueless I just sat him in the tub an splashed handfuls of water over him. Ghetto style bath, but he ended up clean, so whatever works. He asked me a couple times "mommy sleep in bed Jaymes bedroom." I had to remind him that I can't sleep there with him (I wish I could, I would stay there with him all the time if it was allowed) but that I'd be back tomorrow. He seemed ok with that. I think me leaving him is a lot harder on me than it is on me. I miss him so much. While it's nice to have some quiet at home, and be able to relax a little more, I'd rather have him home. You never realize just how much of life revolves around someone else until they're gone.

My friends keep telling me to take advantage of this to get some relaxation an maybe go have some fun I otherwise might not be able to, but I don't really feel like doing anything. Being at home just makes me sad, and I don't feel like riding. I just want the next visiting time to come so I can go back and sit there while my little buddy plays trains and ignores me for the most part.

I guess the good thing about this is that I am realizing that while Jaymes is a handful, I really don't like life without him. I know that he is where he needs to be right now, and that it's important for him to get some help so he can come home and be safer... I just miss him so much.

Anyway, I'm not really sure what tomorrow will bring. I know that the nurses said Tuesdays and Thursdays are days I can meet with the treatment team... So I guess I won't get any answers until that. The nurses tell me that the little kids usually spend 2 weeks there. Hard to swallow, but I knew deep down that the 72 hour hold thing was just a formality. I knew that they couldn't do anything for him in that short of a time frame.

So the point of this was to say that Jaymes is doing ok. He seems very detached, but ok. I know he's in good hands, although if I keep finding him with wet/dirty diapers each time I visit then I'm going to have to talk to the nurses.