So what about Sierra?

Jaymes has been having a very hard time of things lately (at least at home) and I have noticed that Sierra has some definite opinions about some of the situations we find ourselves in when we're out of the house.

I don't know whether it is his "new" (meaning not really new anymore, but still...) meds making him like this, or a stage, or the phase of the moon or whatever... But it sure isn't fun. I've never seen the little guy so angry. Everything sets him off. I told him to take a time out the other day because he sprayed Sierra with the hose, and the result of my time out was an all out meltdown from Jaymes. He threw everything within reach as hard as he could, he screamed at the top of his lungs. He kicked the dog, and tried to punch her too. He then ran around the yard throwing everything he could find. He turned purple with rage. It's insane. It's so not my Jaymes.

At Walmart, he sat in the shopping cart squealing loudly, then just randomly got angry and started slamming his stuffed bunny's face against the side of the cart. Then he went back to repeating "yo yo yo yo yo" loudly. A few seconds later he was angry again, and grabbed a lemon from the basket we were walking past and hurled it at an old lady. The old lady was not amused, by the way.

We are reaching a point of not being sure if we can get him out of the house much more. He is so angry, and he is so active and loud. I worry that he will hurt himself or someone else when he is like this. The odd thing is that he doesn't do this at school. At school he is the happy-go-lucky little guy I know and love. Then he gets home and starts attacking my husband (mostly Jason, more than myself or Si-Si) by kicking him, pinching him, slapping, or punching. He will actually pursue Jason around the house attacking him. He'll scratch/slap/bite/kick me if I directly interfere with something he is doing (like taking the hose from him to go turn it off), but he does not pursue me the way he does Jason.

The worst thing right now is the meltdowns like I described earlier in this post. The ones where he races around the back yard or house throwing and breaking and hitting everything within reach. Sierra knows to stay away from Jaymes when he is acting this way, but it really saddens me that she does know this. How horrible is it to be afraid that your brother will hurt you?

Sierra has started to voice her opinions about Jaymes, and this makes me feel even worse. She asks for Jaymes not to go out with us because "Jaymes is gonna yell and frow fings. (throw things)"

She actually becomes visibly embarrassed when we're out, and that makes me fear for the future. I have a friend who told me once about when she was a kid and had a developmentally disabled (Downs I think) sister. Her biggest feeling about that part of her childhood was the humiliation she suffered because of her sister's behavior. I hate to think about how Sierra will feel later on down the road. I don't want her to hate her brother or feel like she can't enjoy family time out in public because of his behaviors.

I guess the only thing we can do right now is to continue trying to work Jaymes through these issues, stabilize his meds, and help him grow to his potential. In the meantime, I make sure to spend lots of special Sierra-Only time with her, so she realizes that it is not JUST about Jaymes and his autism. Yesterday Jason was off so we took Si-Si to the childrens museum while Jaymes was at school. She loved it.

We'll keep pluggin' along like always, and hopefully things will improve soon!