Is this overly ambitious?

Probably.

Every year around this time (well duh, it's New Years Eve) I start thinking about New Years resolutions. Looking back over the past few years, it would seem my various resolutions either failed completely, or only lasted a very short while. I've done all the typical stuff: Lose some weight, exercise more, be a better (house)wife, blah blah blah. I've found that I have almost no actual desire to really stick to these goals, however, which probably explains why they never seem to work out. On the plus side, at least I'm not a rare case of Resolution-itis. The vast majority of us make these ridiculous goals that we know perfectly well we won't keep.

So in keeping with tradition, I'm going to say that I do plan to try and lose at least some weight. I will try to walk more, but it probably will only happen on days that my leg and hip aren't hurting. We'll certainly be eating better, I finally bit the bullet and switched from regular "everything" (yogurt, sour cream, cookies, etc) to fat free "everything." Except for milk. Can't bring myself to drink the blueish watery ick that is skim milk. Sorry, I like my 2%. That's better than a few years ago, though, when I only drank whole milk. I still prefer whole milk, but I have been very successful in changing "down" to 2%. I also plan to be a better housekeeper (the way Jason likes, anyway, I think my way is just fine, but whatever!) and maybe work on having more of a social life.

That said, I have a lot of what I consider "real" resolutions for 2010. Except that I'm not sure they really count, because they are all things I have been doing, working on, or working toward. But hey, a resolution...er... set of resolutions... is a resolution. Right?

My resolutions are mostly Jaymes related, with a couple of Amber related ones tossed in for good measure. Here they are, neatly presented in no particular order of importance, for your viewing pleasure. Because clearly, this is information on a random internet stranger (emphasis on the strange) that is VITAL to your life. Or something like that.

• I would like to learn more about Jaymes' hearing loss, and hearing loss in general. I'm woefully uninformed in this department, having just recently found out Jaymes had any hearing loss!

• I will continue to try and get to the bottom of Jaymes' eczema, through re-evaluations with Immunology and Allergy specialist up at Baptist, and with help from Dermatology, also at Baptist. Jaymes ENT also said that if Baptist doesn't pan out, that the Dermatology department up at Duke is excellent, and they might have some more ideas for poor, itchy, scaly Jaymes.

• More IEP meetings. Maybe some progress. You never know, it could happen. Note to self: Never attend an IEP meeting when you're to sick to argue important points. Our last one was a wash, because I was so sick I barely opened my mouth, forgot some of my main points, and was too sick to continue debating various things. On the plus side, Jaymes' AU classroom teacher has really been helpful, and she has taught Jaymes so much. I feel like she's at least somewhat understanding where I'm coming from, and why I spend so much time pushing for Jaymes to get more class time with his non-disabled peers. I wish the regular ed teacher he goes with was more interested in including Jaymes, but we're all human, and we're not necessarily going to agree, I guess.

• I need, not just want, need to help Jaymes get over this spitting thing he's been doing for the last month. It's gotten worse and worse, and it seems to be a compulsive thing, he doesn't seem able to control it. He spits on his hand (or, if he can't, on his arm, a toy, my arm, whatever) then spreads the saliva around all over his face. He gets it in his eyes, and then he screams because it burns, and it's making his face one nasty, slimy, wet, rashy mess. Also, anyone sitting near him when he's doing it is liable to get splattered, and nobody likes that. Especially not strangers who are unlucky enough to have to sit within range.

• In the "Amber goals" department, I certainly hope to get all of my current medical issues sorted out, although I have been incredibly lucky to have really gotten wonderful benefit from the (non-narcotic) meds the Neurologist gave me. Apparently, the stuff doesn't usually work as well for others as it has for me, and I'm very fortunate. It's also only $4 a bottle. Hooray!

• I want to ride more. I don't have a horse right now, of course, after the untimely death of my lovely Lucy girl, but I have several friends with horses who let me come ride- so I need to do that! I think that will help with the whole weight loss thing too.

• This one is a big one, because I seem to be a drama magnet. I plan to avoid, ignore, or run away as fast as I can, from everything drama-causing. No more friend drama, no more internet forum drama, no school drama, no family drama. I'm going to stop responding to things that are just waiting to start another round of bullshit. I need some more positivity in my life.

• I'm going to be more positive, less pessimistic. This will be hard, I'm a pessimist at heart, and always have been. Mostly because it seems that we and people around us get hit with more than our fair share of what can only be described as crap. I wonder if this is because most of my friends have autistic or otherwise special needs kids. LOL. Anyway, this goal applies to Jaymes too. No more focusing on the bad behaviors and the things we can't change, or don't like. No more accepting others treating him like he's a danger to them, or a spoiled brat. I'm going to focus on all the wonderful work Jaymes has done, both at home and in therapies and I'm going to celebrate every little bit of progress we make.

• This last one is one we've been working hard on for awhile, but that we need to continue, and improve on. Jason and I are terrible money managers. That's a good part of why we keep finding ourselves in bad situations, financially. Over the last 5 years, I think the banks must have made a small fortune off our overdraft fees. We've started writing everything in a notebook that is updated every time we write a check, spend cash, or use a debit card. We've still had 2-3 overdrafts in the last 6 months, but that is a huge improvement on the previous 2-3 per WEEK. We're getting better. Wish they'd taught these things in school though, nobody ever taught either one of us to manage money and accounts right, so we're teaching ourselves. Here's to hoping for an overdraft-free 2010.

So this may be too much, and it may be too ambitious. It may all really just boil down to a couple main points. Hmm, I could have saved myself some time, and just said it like this:

• I want to live healthier
• I want to be a better advocate for Jaymes
• I want to be a better parent (because even the best have room for improvement, so I have a LOT of room for improvement, right?!)
• I want to rise above the petty, stressful BS that people in my life sling at me and that I feed right into.

Now why didn't I just say that in the first place? Oh well, it wouldn't have made for a very interesting post.

Happy new year, everybody. Here's to hoping it doesn't suck as bad as 2009 did. Here's to hoping we can all change the way we do things to make it a great year. Now, I'm off to go guzzle down some sparkling grape juice and BBQ chicken!