Well, after my last post that was pretty much verbal vomit, I'm happy to report that I'm happy. Seriously, all of the sudden last week the depression just went poof and I haven't seen it since. The anxiety has gone down so much that I don't need to pop Klonopin throughout my day. It's weird how one minute I was wishing I was dead and then suddenly it was all good. My brain is a mystery.
So I'm actually motivated to do things, talk to people, etc. No more sleeping all day and stumbling through each day like I have been. I'm going to be optimistic and say that perhaps this last year's worth of depression and anxiety is finally over and I can get back to living my life again.
Jaymes was with us all weekend, and he was just so good. He's been such a happy, friendly, pleasant child. He's actually cuddly, and wants to snuggle with me and watch tv, hold hands, etc. We took the kids to the mall to eat and he thoroughly enjoyed his chicken tenders and fries, before giving me the sad face and finishing off my root beer float.
I was actually worried about having Jaymes that weekend because the Friday before, I had my wisdom teeth removed. Between being in intense pain from the incisions and stitches and swelling, and being out of it from the Vicodin, I was not sure I could handle him. But he was fine, and aside from the pain I was fine to handle him. Food, on the other hand.... not so much. Been eating a lot of mashed potatoes and pudding. Chewing is not something that looks very tempting right now!
We have Jaymes all weekend again this week, and on Saturday I have a horse show that I'm really excited about. I'm going with my best friend and taking along a couple of my riding lesson kids too. I'm not sure I'll win anything, being fat and out of shape, but it's worth a try!
Anyway, the point of this post was to assure you all that I'm not insane anymore and will not be offing myself in the near future. Jaymes is doing wonderfully and will be home with us full time in the next couple of weeks... All in all, things are shaping up to the way they should be, rather than the chaotic hell that they have been.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
The one where mommy goes nutty
I know my last few blog posts have been horrendously depressing and whiny, and unfortunately this one is probably also going to take that tone too. Things have been bad for me in the last six months. It started back in late August, and reached all kinds of nastiness. Then things calmed down, and I was ok. Then it all started back up again two months ago.
I'd wake up and have to physically force myself out of bed, while dreading what the day would bring. More stress, more anxiety. I'd take care of the kids and roll through my day feeling like I'm floating above everyone else, just an observer rather than a participant in anything I'm doing. It feels like there is an invisible barrier that would keep me from accomplishing anything. I'd go out to get laundry and just stand there on the carport for 15 minutes, then go inside and do nothing. I'd finally get some of it done, but really, very little was actually being accomplished. All I really wanted to do was sleep. There is no sadness in sleep, and no anxiety. It's quiet and peaceful.
The anxiety is crippling. Every morning I wake up with that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, waiting for whatever bad thing is going to happen next. I sit in my classes and shake and my heart pounds and I try to hold back the panic attack crap as much as I can. It's pathetic.
On the 20th of March, I got a call from the Easter Seals employee who handles Jaymes' foster care placement. He said that complaints had been made about Jaymes supposedly coming home dirty from his visits home, and supposedly showing some aggression when coming back from home. He (very cheerfully) informed me that they were going to make a call in to Child Protective Services. Now, I've dealt with CPS before- any of us with a special needs child seem to get that. But this time the allegations were so frivolous, and were taken so seriously by CPS. A whole bunch of crazy. Jaymes is a boy. If he is with me and plays outside, he will get dirty. We send him back clean, but I don't sanitize him head to toe first. Another complaint was that his shoes were on the wrong feet. Ironically, last time Jaymes was delivered to us for a visit, his shoes were once again on the wrong feet. Not a CPS worthy complaint.
Anyway, back to the point. The 20th had not been a good day. I'd had car issues, Sierra had gotten a note home (first time in her life, I was shocked), and then I got the call from Easter Seals... That was the straw that broke the camels back, and the depression and anxiety won out for the rest of the day. I had Klonopin for the anxiety, and I took several. Didn't feel better an hour later, so took a handful more. Still didn't feel better, finished off the bottle. Then Jason called me and I apparently sounded really bad. He interrogated me until I told him about the pills, at which time he ordered me to call my doctor (who has been amazing in trying to get me out of the hole I was in) and tell him what I took and how much. I called the doctor, who told me that he needed to call an ambulance and to stay on the line with his nurse until the ambulance arrived. At that point, I took another bottle of pills, I guess I figured if I had overdosed, might as well go the rest of the way. Not logical, I honestly don't know what I was thinking at the time.
The ambulance arrived right as I was getting really fuzzy. I remember being loaded into it (with half the neighborhood gawking), and from there I was in and out of consciousness. I don't remember the ride there, arriving at the hospital, or anything else up until being made to drink a big cup of charcoal (horrible stuff. Truly horrible). I remember that pretty darn well, as nasty as it was. I guess that beats having your stomach pumped though.
Apparently I refused to let Jason come back to see me. He was all freaking out and I don't remember even being told he was there. I lost a lot of time that day and the next- I was just too out of it to make sense of anything.
I stayed at the ER overnight, because there were no beds at any of the hospitals with psych units available. I had a babysitter in my room to make sure I didn't off myself in the hospital. she was actually very sweet. The next day I got loaded up into a police car for my trip to Forsyth hospital's psych unit. I did not enjoy that at all.
I spent a week at Forsyth, in which time they did nothing and probably charged me thousands of dollars. They made no medication changes, and their groups were totally useless junk. Not a good program at all. I behaved myself and spent the week watching TV and coloring in coloring books. I couldn't really decide whether to be thrilled that they had coloring stuff, or to be offended by being an adult getting offered coloring stuff. I drew a lot of rainbow unicorns. My fellow nuthouse folks enjoyed my rainbow unicorns. Apparently they are uplifting.
I never really figured out what I was trying to do taking all those pills. the Klonopin, I honestly did not realize how many I was taking. The rest was just a bad impulsive thing I guess. The doctors treated it like a suicide attempt, but I wasn't sure still whether that was it or not. I would think that if I'd wanted to die, I would not have called the doctor. Jason wouldn't have been home for hours more, it would have worked. I didn't do that though.
When I came home, I was still incredibly depressed. The stress over Jaymes and the idiotic CPS report was really crushing me. Jason babysat me, and took all the meds away. He's still doling out my meds daily for me. Probably a good thing.
The following Friday, we had a CFT meeting with the foster parents, the Easter Seals staff, and the CPS worker. The meeting was beyond horrible. The foster parents came in all upset and loud, despite none of us having said anything yet. We tried to start the meeting out, but it immediately turned into my husband talking and the foster parents yelling at us and practically coming across the table at Jason. Lots of "you're never there, you don't know Jaymes, you don't act like a dad" (because Jason works and we have CFT meetings in the middle of the day!) stuff- very ugly and unwarranted. From there on out, every time he or I would say a word, we'd be interrupted by the screaming and yelling.
We were called bad parents, inconsistent, careless... I've never had to sit in a meeting and have hateful things flung at me like at this meeting. It was so bad. Nothing was accomplished, and in the end one of the foster parents walked out and would not come back in. Everyone gave up at that point. There wasn't anywhere we could go with all that chaos.
I left crying like an idiot, Jason had to drive us home. It depressed me so much. I had an emergency meeting with my therapist that day. We talked about it, and she asked me if I was suicidal. I kind of surprised myself here, my answer was very simple- no confusion in my head there. "Yep. If I had the pills, I would not hesitate." But I knew Jason had the pills locked up, so it seemed like I would be pretty much fine, given that I couldn't get to the meds. My therapist had me texting in daily to make sure I was ok.
I feel ok now. I don't have the overwhelming panic and depression like before. Suicide isn't in my head anymore. Jason still has the pills, which I think is wise regardless of how I feel right now. My meds are helping a lot. Part of the deep depression after that bad CFT meeting might have been due to the fact that I was falling asleep early and forgetting to take my night meds- which include the antidepressant. Once I got back on my medication schedule, the depression backed off a lot.
I don't know what to think of the foster parents. We've always been friendly and they have never said a negative thing to me before. Never mentioned Jaymes and personal hygiene, or any of the other issues addressed in the CPS report. It came totally out of nowhere. I keep asking myself, why would they not just say something to me? Up until this they've been wonderful. They are fantastic foster parents (regardless of how harsh they were to me) and they have done a lot for Jaymes. It's really hard for me to know what to do, because on one hand Jaymes is doing well there, but on the other the animosity between ourselves (especially Jason) and the foster parents is pretty scary. I think that explosive meeting showed everyone's true colors. Us included.
I'm just waiting for the next blow up. I'm dreading the next CFT meeting, I do not want to be ripped to shreds again.
The CPS worker came for a second home visit yesterday, and it went very well. She seemed happy with our home and how we interact with our children. She stated she found no proof of abuse or neglect, and that the case would be closed out at the 45 day point, which is coming up soon.
We had planned to leave Jaymes in placement over the summer, and have him back as school was beginning. But knowing now all the horrible things the foster parents think of us, and thinking of how they reacted during the meeting, neither Jason nor I are able to see how we can continue dealing with them. It doesn't seem healthy for Jaymes to be with people who can get that verbally abusive, and who apparently despise his parents.
Jaymes will be coming home sometime early May. We have not picked a specific date yet, need to look over the calendar first. I'm having surgery to dig out my impacted wisdom teeth on Friday, so I will probably be really useless for that weekend. We have Jaymes from Friday afternoon to Sunday midday. Poor Jason is going to have to do all the work, I know how I am when I'm hurting. Not looking forward to that at all.
Anyway, I think I got all of the bad stuff out in this incredibly long post... Needed to write it out and get it off my chest so I can move on.
I'd wake up and have to physically force myself out of bed, while dreading what the day would bring. More stress, more anxiety. I'd take care of the kids and roll through my day feeling like I'm floating above everyone else, just an observer rather than a participant in anything I'm doing. It feels like there is an invisible barrier that would keep me from accomplishing anything. I'd go out to get laundry and just stand there on the carport for 15 minutes, then go inside and do nothing. I'd finally get some of it done, but really, very little was actually being accomplished. All I really wanted to do was sleep. There is no sadness in sleep, and no anxiety. It's quiet and peaceful.
The anxiety is crippling. Every morning I wake up with that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, waiting for whatever bad thing is going to happen next. I sit in my classes and shake and my heart pounds and I try to hold back the panic attack crap as much as I can. It's pathetic.
On the 20th of March, I got a call from the Easter Seals employee who handles Jaymes' foster care placement. He said that complaints had been made about Jaymes supposedly coming home dirty from his visits home, and supposedly showing some aggression when coming back from home. He (very cheerfully) informed me that they were going to make a call in to Child Protective Services. Now, I've dealt with CPS before- any of us with a special needs child seem to get that. But this time the allegations were so frivolous, and were taken so seriously by CPS. A whole bunch of crazy. Jaymes is a boy. If he is with me and plays outside, he will get dirty. We send him back clean, but I don't sanitize him head to toe first. Another complaint was that his shoes were on the wrong feet. Ironically, last time Jaymes was delivered to us for a visit, his shoes were once again on the wrong feet. Not a CPS worthy complaint.
Anyway, back to the point. The 20th had not been a good day. I'd had car issues, Sierra had gotten a note home (first time in her life, I was shocked), and then I got the call from Easter Seals... That was the straw that broke the camels back, and the depression and anxiety won out for the rest of the day. I had Klonopin for the anxiety, and I took several. Didn't feel better an hour later, so took a handful more. Still didn't feel better, finished off the bottle. Then Jason called me and I apparently sounded really bad. He interrogated me until I told him about the pills, at which time he ordered me to call my doctor (who has been amazing in trying to get me out of the hole I was in) and tell him what I took and how much. I called the doctor, who told me that he needed to call an ambulance and to stay on the line with his nurse until the ambulance arrived. At that point, I took another bottle of pills, I guess I figured if I had overdosed, might as well go the rest of the way. Not logical, I honestly don't know what I was thinking at the time.
The ambulance arrived right as I was getting really fuzzy. I remember being loaded into it (with half the neighborhood gawking), and from there I was in and out of consciousness. I don't remember the ride there, arriving at the hospital, or anything else up until being made to drink a big cup of charcoal (horrible stuff. Truly horrible). I remember that pretty darn well, as nasty as it was. I guess that beats having your stomach pumped though.
Apparently I refused to let Jason come back to see me. He was all freaking out and I don't remember even being told he was there. I lost a lot of time that day and the next- I was just too out of it to make sense of anything.
I stayed at the ER overnight, because there were no beds at any of the hospitals with psych units available. I had a babysitter in my room to make sure I didn't off myself in the hospital. she was actually very sweet. The next day I got loaded up into a police car for my trip to Forsyth hospital's psych unit. I did not enjoy that at all.
I spent a week at Forsyth, in which time they did nothing and probably charged me thousands of dollars. They made no medication changes, and their groups were totally useless junk. Not a good program at all. I behaved myself and spent the week watching TV and coloring in coloring books. I couldn't really decide whether to be thrilled that they had coloring stuff, or to be offended by being an adult getting offered coloring stuff. I drew a lot of rainbow unicorns. My fellow nuthouse folks enjoyed my rainbow unicorns. Apparently they are uplifting.
I never really figured out what I was trying to do taking all those pills. the Klonopin, I honestly did not realize how many I was taking. The rest was just a bad impulsive thing I guess. The doctors treated it like a suicide attempt, but I wasn't sure still whether that was it or not. I would think that if I'd wanted to die, I would not have called the doctor. Jason wouldn't have been home for hours more, it would have worked. I didn't do that though.
When I came home, I was still incredibly depressed. The stress over Jaymes and the idiotic CPS report was really crushing me. Jason babysat me, and took all the meds away. He's still doling out my meds daily for me. Probably a good thing.
The following Friday, we had a CFT meeting with the foster parents, the Easter Seals staff, and the CPS worker. The meeting was beyond horrible. The foster parents came in all upset and loud, despite none of us having said anything yet. We tried to start the meeting out, but it immediately turned into my husband talking and the foster parents yelling at us and practically coming across the table at Jason. Lots of "you're never there, you don't know Jaymes, you don't act like a dad" (because Jason works and we have CFT meetings in the middle of the day!) stuff- very ugly and unwarranted. From there on out, every time he or I would say a word, we'd be interrupted by the screaming and yelling.
We were called bad parents, inconsistent, careless... I've never had to sit in a meeting and have hateful things flung at me like at this meeting. It was so bad. Nothing was accomplished, and in the end one of the foster parents walked out and would not come back in. Everyone gave up at that point. There wasn't anywhere we could go with all that chaos.
I left crying like an idiot, Jason had to drive us home. It depressed me so much. I had an emergency meeting with my therapist that day. We talked about it, and she asked me if I was suicidal. I kind of surprised myself here, my answer was very simple- no confusion in my head there. "Yep. If I had the pills, I would not hesitate." But I knew Jason had the pills locked up, so it seemed like I would be pretty much fine, given that I couldn't get to the meds. My therapist had me texting in daily to make sure I was ok.
I feel ok now. I don't have the overwhelming panic and depression like before. Suicide isn't in my head anymore. Jason still has the pills, which I think is wise regardless of how I feel right now. My meds are helping a lot. Part of the deep depression after that bad CFT meeting might have been due to the fact that I was falling asleep early and forgetting to take my night meds- which include the antidepressant. Once I got back on my medication schedule, the depression backed off a lot.
I don't know what to think of the foster parents. We've always been friendly and they have never said a negative thing to me before. Never mentioned Jaymes and personal hygiene, or any of the other issues addressed in the CPS report. It came totally out of nowhere. I keep asking myself, why would they not just say something to me? Up until this they've been wonderful. They are fantastic foster parents (regardless of how harsh they were to me) and they have done a lot for Jaymes. It's really hard for me to know what to do, because on one hand Jaymes is doing well there, but on the other the animosity between ourselves (especially Jason) and the foster parents is pretty scary. I think that explosive meeting showed everyone's true colors. Us included.
I'm just waiting for the next blow up. I'm dreading the next CFT meeting, I do not want to be ripped to shreds again.
The CPS worker came for a second home visit yesterday, and it went very well. She seemed happy with our home and how we interact with our children. She stated she found no proof of abuse or neglect, and that the case would be closed out at the 45 day point, which is coming up soon.
We had planned to leave Jaymes in placement over the summer, and have him back as school was beginning. But knowing now all the horrible things the foster parents think of us, and thinking of how they reacted during the meeting, neither Jason nor I are able to see how we can continue dealing with them. It doesn't seem healthy for Jaymes to be with people who can get that verbally abusive, and who apparently despise his parents.
Jaymes will be coming home sometime early May. We have not picked a specific date yet, need to look over the calendar first. I'm having surgery to dig out my impacted wisdom teeth on Friday, so I will probably be really useless for that weekend. We have Jaymes from Friday afternoon to Sunday midday. Poor Jason is going to have to do all the work, I know how I am when I'm hurting. Not looking forward to that at all.
Anyway, I think I got all of the bad stuff out in this incredibly long post... Needed to write it out and get it off my chest so I can move on.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Breathe in, breathe out...
This is probably going to be a long one, and more about me than about Jaymes. So much happening and so many emotions in the way of getting myself ready for Jaymes to come home.
I think I've talked about my issues in the last couple blog posts, but in a nutshell... I have GAD (generalized panic disorder), major depression, and plain ole anxiety. Normally, the meds keep me going great and life is good. Unfortunately, since all the trouble with placing Jaymes in temporary foster care, the meds aren't working. We started off with Abilify, then Zyprexa, and now Fanapt. I also take Elavil and Neurontin.
When the meds stopped working, so did my sanity. I started to get these images in my head of running the car off the road, or taking all my pills and going to sleep. Now for the record, I did not and do not plan to do anything to hurt myself, it's just a thought that went through my head. It got so bad that for the last couple months I've been in a state of constant, intense anxiety coupled with those suicidal thoughts.
School this semester proved to be too much, I was advised by the financial aid office at Forsyth Tech that I had the option to drop my classes without penalty. I did have to keep one class though, to avoid having to pay back my pell grants. So, Spanish it is. Easy class.
I went back to Old Vineyard's intensive outpatient therapy program for the second time, stayed for two weeks and then insurance quit paying. I probably could have used more.
So right now we are trying very hard to figure out what is causing this crippling anxiety I've been going through. I can't function when I get like that, and I obviously need to function. I'm working with my therapist on dealing with the anxiety, which isn't a whole lot of fun... But there must be a good reason for the intensity of the session. I have to admit though, that I left the last one feeling like I'd been beaten in the head with a pool noodle for the entire hour. I have a hard time with the level of intensity going on in that therapy room.
As it stands right now, the only thing really keeping my anxiety in check enough for me to function is the fact that I've got a bottle of Klonopin. Take one at the start of feeling the anxiety and it stops before it starts. But really, underneath the meds and the therapy, I'm a mess right now.
Jaymes and his visits are going really well. We have started taking him Saturday night and keeping him until 1-2 on Sunday. He loves going to church, and he loves sleeping in his room and telling me "I like the shiny floor." He is still in diapers at night, but we're working on that. He's sleeping in underwear without incident at the foster home, he just needs to realize he can come out to go potty at night if he needs to.
Jaymes is super popular at church. Everyone knows him. He goes to the Kid Summit group, and they do singing and play games and all that good stuff. I had been worried about putting him in with kids his age and older, but he has done so well. He's got one person in particular that he loves, who watches out for him during the service. And of course all the kids know him. They say "hey Jaymes!!" and he wanders away. They don't seem to mind.
The foster parents go to the YMCA, so Jaymes gets to do a lot of things that he had not done before. They walk the track, and swim in the pool- which Jaymes just loves. I'm looking into a Y membership for us for when he comes back home. The other cool thing the foster parents do is taking him hiking. Hiking is wonderful for Jaymes, he can get his energy out and he loves to be outside.
Jaymes is really doing well. He's great for the foster home, great for us on our visits, and is eager to see me, where before he didn't want to leave Mr. Marks house. We plan to continue to add more Jaymes home time over the next few months with the plan of having him back home around a week before school starts up again for the fall.
In the meantime, I'm working on me. Getting the meds worked out and getting my anxiety and depression under control. I've really hit a low, I spend most of my time lying on the couch, just thinking about starting my day is hell. Nothing is fun anymore, not even riding. It's just one day at a time, breathe in, breathe out.
I think I've talked about my issues in the last couple blog posts, but in a nutshell... I have GAD (generalized panic disorder), major depression, and plain ole anxiety. Normally, the meds keep me going great and life is good. Unfortunately, since all the trouble with placing Jaymes in temporary foster care, the meds aren't working. We started off with Abilify, then Zyprexa, and now Fanapt. I also take Elavil and Neurontin.
When the meds stopped working, so did my sanity. I started to get these images in my head of running the car off the road, or taking all my pills and going to sleep. Now for the record, I did not and do not plan to do anything to hurt myself, it's just a thought that went through my head. It got so bad that for the last couple months I've been in a state of constant, intense anxiety coupled with those suicidal thoughts.
School this semester proved to be too much, I was advised by the financial aid office at Forsyth Tech that I had the option to drop my classes without penalty. I did have to keep one class though, to avoid having to pay back my pell grants. So, Spanish it is. Easy class.
I went back to Old Vineyard's intensive outpatient therapy program for the second time, stayed for two weeks and then insurance quit paying. I probably could have used more.
So right now we are trying very hard to figure out what is causing this crippling anxiety I've been going through. I can't function when I get like that, and I obviously need to function. I'm working with my therapist on dealing with the anxiety, which isn't a whole lot of fun... But there must be a good reason for the intensity of the session. I have to admit though, that I left the last one feeling like I'd been beaten in the head with a pool noodle for the entire hour. I have a hard time with the level of intensity going on in that therapy room.
As it stands right now, the only thing really keeping my anxiety in check enough for me to function is the fact that I've got a bottle of Klonopin. Take one at the start of feeling the anxiety and it stops before it starts. But really, underneath the meds and the therapy, I'm a mess right now.
Jaymes and his visits are going really well. We have started taking him Saturday night and keeping him until 1-2 on Sunday. He loves going to church, and he loves sleeping in his room and telling me "I like the shiny floor." He is still in diapers at night, but we're working on that. He's sleeping in underwear without incident at the foster home, he just needs to realize he can come out to go potty at night if he needs to.
Jaymes is super popular at church. Everyone knows him. He goes to the Kid Summit group, and they do singing and play games and all that good stuff. I had been worried about putting him in with kids his age and older, but he has done so well. He's got one person in particular that he loves, who watches out for him during the service. And of course all the kids know him. They say "hey Jaymes!!" and he wanders away. They don't seem to mind.
The foster parents go to the YMCA, so Jaymes gets to do a lot of things that he had not done before. They walk the track, and swim in the pool- which Jaymes just loves. I'm looking into a Y membership for us for when he comes back home. The other cool thing the foster parents do is taking him hiking. Hiking is wonderful for Jaymes, he can get his energy out and he loves to be outside.
Jaymes is really doing well. He's great for the foster home, great for us on our visits, and is eager to see me, where before he didn't want to leave Mr. Marks house. We plan to continue to add more Jaymes home time over the next few months with the plan of having him back home around a week before school starts up again for the fall.
In the meantime, I'm working on me. Getting the meds worked out and getting my anxiety and depression under control. I've really hit a low, I spend most of my time lying on the couch, just thinking about starting my day is hell. Nothing is fun anymore, not even riding. It's just one day at a time, breathe in, breathe out.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
It's REDDDDD!
So, over the last month or so, Jaymes has developed kind of a weird obsession with traffic lights. He loves toy traffic lights, and nothing pleases him as much as watching the toys go from green to yellow to red. Unfortunately, his love of toy lights does not extend to the real thing.
For example, our day today. I had him this afternoon and evening, as I do every Tuesday. Got him from school and we started driving home. With my usual luck, I hit every single red light the entire way home. Each time we stopped, I'd start hearing little mumbles and moans of displeasure. These gradually escalated to more obvious moans, and finally to ear shattering wailing that should have broken the windshield with its intensity.
"It's reeeeeed."
"It's reeeeed."
"Red! It's RED!"
"It's RED mommy! I need you to go! I need you to go!"
"RED! GO! GO!"
"We do not go on red. We stop on red."
(So obviously he understands that red means stop and green means go. Yellow means go faster. But I digress.)
"Mommy, GO!"
(light changes to green)
"Don't go, mommy! Go mommy! Go left!"
Don't even get me started on how the poor child handles it when the light stays red but the little turn arrow turns green.
He cracks me up with this stuff. It is very obviously super important to him, and he is very serious about it... But I really can't help but laugh a little inside. He's just such a goofy kid.
Jaymes is doing well. He's got ringworm (yuck), but the rings on his neck are gone. He's got a big bald spot on his head, right at the very top, where there was a ring. He's on 6 weeks of medication to kill off the delightful little fungi growing on his skin. Hopefully it kills things off before he gets any balder. Poor boy!
For example, our day today. I had him this afternoon and evening, as I do every Tuesday. Got him from school and we started driving home. With my usual luck, I hit every single red light the entire way home. Each time we stopped, I'd start hearing little mumbles and moans of displeasure. These gradually escalated to more obvious moans, and finally to ear shattering wailing that should have broken the windshield with its intensity.
"It's reeeeeed."
"It's reeeeed."
"Red! It's RED!"
"It's RED mommy! I need you to go! I need you to go!"
"RED! GO! GO!"
"We do not go on red. We stop on red."
(So obviously he understands that red means stop and green means go. Yellow means go faster. But I digress.)
"Mommy, GO!"
(light changes to green)
"Don't go, mommy! Go mommy! Go left!"
Don't even get me started on how the poor child handles it when the light stays red but the little turn arrow turns green.
He cracks me up with this stuff. It is very obviously super important to him, and he is very serious about it... But I really can't help but laugh a little inside. He's just such a goofy kid.
Jaymes is doing well. He's got ringworm (yuck), but the rings on his neck are gone. He's got a big bald spot on his head, right at the very top, where there was a ring. He's on 6 weeks of medication to kill off the delightful little fungi growing on his skin. Hopefully it kills things off before he gets any balder. Poor boy!
Monday, January 16, 2012
We're still here
First off, I want to thank you all for the wonderful, kind messages and well wishes- it means a lot to me. I know the blog has not been as active as in the past, but now that my funk is medicated away, it'll be better.
Jaymes is doing wonderfully. He's here part of the week and with his other family ("foster" family, though they re really just like family to Jaymes and the rest of us at this point, very good people) and is so happy. He is now potty trained, only wearing a diaper at night. He has an accident here or there, but that's fine... I am just so happy the idea of using the toilet finally sunk in. I am so ready to never touch another diaper again.
Jaymes is talking, and in greater detail and with more clarity than before. He can understand more difficult concepts, like that when we're sitting in traffic. Being the little backseat driver that he is, Jaymes will bellow "GOOOO" at every green light and stop sign, regardless of whether we can actually go or not. He doesn't much care about the cars in front of us, he knows where we're headed and sitting in traffic is not part of the plan, in his opinion.
Instead of screaming and hitting and yelling, Jaymes is now thrilled to see me and my husband when we come to pick him up. He's polite and well behaved 90% of the time. All aggression has ceased- thank God!!! He's just a sweet, laid back kid. He's been doing so well, in fact, that we plan to wean him down to a lower dose of his Tenex. He's matured and developed a lot more impulse control, and the current dose is just more than needed.
Jaymes cracks me up in sooo many ways. He has this Angry Birds hat that his grandmother gave him, and he won't take it off. It suits him, for sure. We ask him if he is an Angry Bird and he says "Not angry. Happy bird." Hi foster dad and I were talking about teaching him about calling 911 in an emergency, and we both about died laughing when we realized how a 911 call from Jaymes would go.
"Hello, what is your emergency?
"Silver Noctopus"
"What? Excuse me?"
"my silver noctopus!"
"is this a prank?"
"Silver noctopus needs to see the noctopus doctor!"
When the ambulance arrives, of course Jaymes will show them the mangled Silver Noctopus and explain that he requires the services of the Noctopus Doctor. The EMT's will not be amused.
Yeah, maybe we should wait on teaching Jaymes to dial 911.
Here at home, life is returning to normal. I'm out of the whole depressed funk thing, thanks to wonderful doctor, therapist, and medication. School started for me last week, seems like it won't be too terrible this semester. Last semester, I failed all four classes thanks to The Funk. So much for that 4.0. Boo. I'm on academic probation this semester. I made sure to pick all "in person" classes, rather than the online classes I took last semester. It's a lot easier to keep track of things and not procrastinate when there is a teacher in your face saying "this is due NOWWWW". I don't think I will have any trouble getting A's in my classes, they are pretty easy. I took Intro to Spanish, which is easy because of all the Spanish classes I've been through and the fact that I lived in a Spanish speaking country for two years. I accidentally chose the wrong math class, I meant to register for Intermediate Algebra, but I took Introductory instead. Oops. Luckily, the book is the same for both classes and I think a refresher of the easy stuff is a good way to get back into the swing of things. My Music Appreciation class is pretty awful, but it's only once a week, so I will probably survive. The fourth class I chose was a Study Skills class, thinking it would not only be really easy, but also would be useful for me to learn some new ways to study and do my schoolwork. I'm all for new skills.
So, in a nutshell... Jaymes is great. Mommy's Crazy went away. Daddy is much happier. Sierra is getting a bit spoiled. School is good. All is well. I don't feel bad anymore when people find out Jaymes isn't with us all the time. This was the right thing to do, and everyone is getting relief- including Jaymes. Not only that, but Jaymes now has 2 families. Our tiny one, and the enormous family of Mark and Tim. When Jaymes got his tonsils out last week (he never felt any pain, tough kid), Mark had about a dozen people asking how Jaymes was. Jaymes seems very popular among their friends and family. I love that. the more people Jaymes has, the better. The kid is surrounded with love from all sides.
Jaymes is doing wonderfully. He's here part of the week and with his other family ("foster" family, though they re really just like family to Jaymes and the rest of us at this point, very good people) and is so happy. He is now potty trained, only wearing a diaper at night. He has an accident here or there, but that's fine... I am just so happy the idea of using the toilet finally sunk in. I am so ready to never touch another diaper again.
Jaymes is talking, and in greater detail and with more clarity than before. He can understand more difficult concepts, like that when we're sitting in traffic. Being the little backseat driver that he is, Jaymes will bellow "GOOOO" at every green light and stop sign, regardless of whether we can actually go or not. He doesn't much care about the cars in front of us, he knows where we're headed and sitting in traffic is not part of the plan, in his opinion.
Instead of screaming and hitting and yelling, Jaymes is now thrilled to see me and my husband when we come to pick him up. He's polite and well behaved 90% of the time. All aggression has ceased- thank God!!! He's just a sweet, laid back kid. He's been doing so well, in fact, that we plan to wean him down to a lower dose of his Tenex. He's matured and developed a lot more impulse control, and the current dose is just more than needed.
Jaymes cracks me up in sooo many ways. He has this Angry Birds hat that his grandmother gave him, and he won't take it off. It suits him, for sure. We ask him if he is an Angry Bird and he says "Not angry. Happy bird." Hi foster dad and I were talking about teaching him about calling 911 in an emergency, and we both about died laughing when we realized how a 911 call from Jaymes would go.
"Hello, what is your emergency?
"Silver Noctopus"
"What? Excuse me?"
"my silver noctopus!"
"is this a prank?"
"Silver noctopus needs to see the noctopus doctor!"
When the ambulance arrives, of course Jaymes will show them the mangled Silver Noctopus and explain that he requires the services of the Noctopus Doctor. The EMT's will not be amused.
Yeah, maybe we should wait on teaching Jaymes to dial 911.
Here at home, life is returning to normal. I'm out of the whole depressed funk thing, thanks to wonderful doctor, therapist, and medication. School started for me last week, seems like it won't be too terrible this semester. Last semester, I failed all four classes thanks to The Funk. So much for that 4.0. Boo. I'm on academic probation this semester. I made sure to pick all "in person" classes, rather than the online classes I took last semester. It's a lot easier to keep track of things and not procrastinate when there is a teacher in your face saying "this is due NOWWWW". I don't think I will have any trouble getting A's in my classes, they are pretty easy. I took Intro to Spanish, which is easy because of all the Spanish classes I've been through and the fact that I lived in a Spanish speaking country for two years. I accidentally chose the wrong math class, I meant to register for Intermediate Algebra, but I took Introductory instead. Oops. Luckily, the book is the same for both classes and I think a refresher of the easy stuff is a good way to get back into the swing of things. My Music Appreciation class is pretty awful, but it's only once a week, so I will probably survive. The fourth class I chose was a Study Skills class, thinking it would not only be really easy, but also would be useful for me to learn some new ways to study and do my schoolwork. I'm all for new skills.
So, in a nutshell... Jaymes is great. Mommy's Crazy went away. Daddy is much happier. Sierra is getting a bit spoiled. School is good. All is well. I don't feel bad anymore when people find out Jaymes isn't with us all the time. This was the right thing to do, and everyone is getting relief- including Jaymes. Not only that, but Jaymes now has 2 families. Our tiny one, and the enormous family of Mark and Tim. When Jaymes got his tonsils out last week (he never felt any pain, tough kid), Mark had about a dozen people asking how Jaymes was. Jaymes seems very popular among their friends and family. I love that. the more people Jaymes has, the better. The kid is surrounded with love from all sides.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
That post about decisions that I've been avoiding posting
I know it has been awhile, I've had this post written in my head for quite some time, but I've been putting off posting it for two reasons. One, I didn't want to be judged a bad mom or a bad advocate for my son, I didn't want my fellow autism moms to think I'm a failure. Two, I have a lot of friends and family who read this blog from time to time, and until very recently, I was too afraid that some of the more judgmental family members would twist things around and make our situation something it is not.
Like I've said, I've been afraid to post. But it really isn't fair to use this blog to only talk about the good times and the successes. It's not real to leave out the ugly. So I'm going out on a limb and just putting it down for the world to see. I don't care about the judgment anymore, and I can accept that not everyone is going to pat me on the back and tell me I did the right thing. I don't expect that. The decisions we've had to make as a family in the last few months are our own decisions, and for us they are the right ones.
Things with Jaymes had not been going well, as illustrated in my last post here. He was miserable and out of control, and I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. Sierra was unhappy, and Jason and I were fighting non stop. I was very depressed, and I finally hit the limit of what I could handle.
During all the chaos and depression I was going through, Jason and I were trying to decide what to do for Jaymes. He was not happy, and he was getting progressively more difficult to handle. It all kind of hit me in the face one day when I went into his room one morning and found him painting his walls with a cup filled with poop. I don't know why (I've dealt with poop and everything else known to come out of the bodies of small children) but it just clicked in my head and I finally did stop being able to handle it. Jaymes went to the Murdoch Center (I think I posted about that before) for two weeks, during which time I got to work getting myself ok. Unfortunately, things were just as bad when he got home. It wasn't his fault, or ours... It's just the nature of the beast we call autism.
While evaluating our options to help Jaymes and ourselves, our Easter Seals person talked to me about temporary therapeutic foster placement. The word foster is misleading- of course one thinks "foster" and it is assumed that the children were taken away by social services and that the parents gave up custody of the children. That isn't how therapeutic foster works. The child lives with the family (who are trained extensively), but remains in the custody of the parent. The parent makes all decisions, takes the child to appointments, and can visit or even pull the child out of the foster home at any time. I agonized over this. Even knowing all of the above information, the decision was the hardest one I have ever had to make. I thought about it, worried about it, cried about it, and stressed about it for a couple of months.
I got to the lowest point I've ever had in my life, and thankfully I had a wonderful doctor who basically hand-held me through the last few months. He hooked me up with a fantastic therapy program that I went to daily for 6 weeks- and that really helped. The staff there were amazing, and the coping skills taught were priceless.
The doc helped get my meds worked out, and we had a lot of sorting to do. I went on Abilify at first, and it worked wonderfully except that apparently it's got a rare side effect that I was "lucky" enough to deal with- the inability to urinate. I was not pleased when we figure this out, because really, in what world is it fair to have to choose between sanity or being able to pee? I'd really prefer to have both of those things! So, we dumped the Abilify and replaced it with Zyprexa, which works wonderfully. And of course, I can pee. Hooray! you don't realize what a wonderful thing it is until you're not able to anymore.
During the time I was going to the therapy program, I made the decision to do the therapeutic foster care. The application was long and complicated, and it took awhile to get the doctors signatures and everything else we needed done. I'm glad I was still doing the therapy program, because the week or so before and then after Jaymes was placed in the therapeutic foster home was a very hard time for me. I knew it was the best decision for all of us, but that wasn't much consolation. I felt like a terrible mother, a horrible person, and a hypocrite.
Jaymes is with a wonderful couple who love him. He loves them. He's got a big brother who is 11, and they have a little puppy that Jaymes isn't terribly thrilled with. He's got his own room with some fun toys that the family got for him, along with the toys I sent with him. He's doing well at home and at school. He's started using the toilet regularly, and he is writing new words at school.
At first, when I would come to get him to go do something, he would get upset- not wanting to leave Mr. Mark's house. That was hard to see, obviously I wanted him to be eager to come with me. The first few times went that way. But now when I get there to take him out (we do Wednesdays and Sundays right now) he is excited and relatively well behaved. He still has his quirks, and he is definitely still Jaymes- but he isn't aggressive anymore. Thank goodness.
I really believe that this was necessary for our family. When I was at my lowest, I would drive by a telephone pole and picture myself running the car into it. I wasn't in a position to be a mom during that time. Jaymes was unhappy and destructive, and every time he destroyed something, Jason and I would fight about it. Having a break for both ourselves, and Jaymes was necessary. It has given me the time to get my own stuff resolved and to give Jason a break. Sierra gets to live a reasonably normal life for a bit- that has been huge for her. Jaymes gets to be with someone who isn't completely burned out- and he is thriving.
The plan is to have him back home before next school year begins. We're going to slowly add more and more days that I pick him up and take him out to sort of ease everyone back into the swing of things. I'm working with a family therapist to get a plan in place, to change things around so that when Jaymes comes home, things will work out- rather than going right back to where we were.
It has been hell. I've felt that I cannot talk to my friends or family about any of this, because I just didn't have it in me to be judged harshly. It may not seem right to those not living in my home, but this was the right decision to make. It was a hard, heartbreaking decision, but it was not a decision taken lightly or jumped into. He may be in a therapeutic foster situation, but he is not "in" the foster care system. There is no risk of losing custody- I call the shots.
I am posting this because my blog has always been about being real. If I omit every bad thing that we're going through, the blog isn't real anymore. The point of my blogging is to help other parents out, as well as to vent for myself. Maybe one day someone going through the same hell will google "therapeutic foster care" and find this post.
I've learned that it isn't about making decisions that will please others- it's about making the best decisions for the family. If that turns out to bite me in the butt by upsetting family or friends... So be it. I made the right choice and everyone is benefiting from it.
Like I've said, I've been afraid to post. But it really isn't fair to use this blog to only talk about the good times and the successes. It's not real to leave out the ugly. So I'm going out on a limb and just putting it down for the world to see. I don't care about the judgment anymore, and I can accept that not everyone is going to pat me on the back and tell me I did the right thing. I don't expect that. The decisions we've had to make as a family in the last few months are our own decisions, and for us they are the right ones.
Things with Jaymes had not been going well, as illustrated in my last post here. He was miserable and out of control, and I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. Sierra was unhappy, and Jason and I were fighting non stop. I was very depressed, and I finally hit the limit of what I could handle.
During all the chaos and depression I was going through, Jason and I were trying to decide what to do for Jaymes. He was not happy, and he was getting progressively more difficult to handle. It all kind of hit me in the face one day when I went into his room one morning and found him painting his walls with a cup filled with poop. I don't know why (I've dealt with poop and everything else known to come out of the bodies of small children) but it just clicked in my head and I finally did stop being able to handle it. Jaymes went to the Murdoch Center (I think I posted about that before) for two weeks, during which time I got to work getting myself ok. Unfortunately, things were just as bad when he got home. It wasn't his fault, or ours... It's just the nature of the beast we call autism.
While evaluating our options to help Jaymes and ourselves, our Easter Seals person talked to me about temporary therapeutic foster placement. The word foster is misleading- of course one thinks "foster" and it is assumed that the children were taken away by social services and that the parents gave up custody of the children. That isn't how therapeutic foster works. The child lives with the family (who are trained extensively), but remains in the custody of the parent. The parent makes all decisions, takes the child to appointments, and can visit or even pull the child out of the foster home at any time. I agonized over this. Even knowing all of the above information, the decision was the hardest one I have ever had to make. I thought about it, worried about it, cried about it, and stressed about it for a couple of months.
I got to the lowest point I've ever had in my life, and thankfully I had a wonderful doctor who basically hand-held me through the last few months. He hooked me up with a fantastic therapy program that I went to daily for 6 weeks- and that really helped. The staff there were amazing, and the coping skills taught were priceless.
The doc helped get my meds worked out, and we had a lot of sorting to do. I went on Abilify at first, and it worked wonderfully except that apparently it's got a rare side effect that I was "lucky" enough to deal with- the inability to urinate. I was not pleased when we figure this out, because really, in what world is it fair to have to choose between sanity or being able to pee? I'd really prefer to have both of those things! So, we dumped the Abilify and replaced it with Zyprexa, which works wonderfully. And of course, I can pee. Hooray! you don't realize what a wonderful thing it is until you're not able to anymore.
During the time I was going to the therapy program, I made the decision to do the therapeutic foster care. The application was long and complicated, and it took awhile to get the doctors signatures and everything else we needed done. I'm glad I was still doing the therapy program, because the week or so before and then after Jaymes was placed in the therapeutic foster home was a very hard time for me. I knew it was the best decision for all of us, but that wasn't much consolation. I felt like a terrible mother, a horrible person, and a hypocrite.
Jaymes is with a wonderful couple who love him. He loves them. He's got a big brother who is 11, and they have a little puppy that Jaymes isn't terribly thrilled with. He's got his own room with some fun toys that the family got for him, along with the toys I sent with him. He's doing well at home and at school. He's started using the toilet regularly, and he is writing new words at school.
At first, when I would come to get him to go do something, he would get upset- not wanting to leave Mr. Mark's house. That was hard to see, obviously I wanted him to be eager to come with me. The first few times went that way. But now when I get there to take him out (we do Wednesdays and Sundays right now) he is excited and relatively well behaved. He still has his quirks, and he is definitely still Jaymes- but he isn't aggressive anymore. Thank goodness.
I really believe that this was necessary for our family. When I was at my lowest, I would drive by a telephone pole and picture myself running the car into it. I wasn't in a position to be a mom during that time. Jaymes was unhappy and destructive, and every time he destroyed something, Jason and I would fight about it. Having a break for both ourselves, and Jaymes was necessary. It has given me the time to get my own stuff resolved and to give Jason a break. Sierra gets to live a reasonably normal life for a bit- that has been huge for her. Jaymes gets to be with someone who isn't completely burned out- and he is thriving.
The plan is to have him back home before next school year begins. We're going to slowly add more and more days that I pick him up and take him out to sort of ease everyone back into the swing of things. I'm working with a family therapist to get a plan in place, to change things around so that when Jaymes comes home, things will work out- rather than going right back to where we were.
It has been hell. I've felt that I cannot talk to my friends or family about any of this, because I just didn't have it in me to be judged harshly. It may not seem right to those not living in my home, but this was the right decision to make. It was a hard, heartbreaking decision, but it was not a decision taken lightly or jumped into. He may be in a therapeutic foster situation, but he is not "in" the foster care system. There is no risk of losing custody- I call the shots.
I am posting this because my blog has always been about being real. If I omit every bad thing that we're going through, the blog isn't real anymore. The point of my blogging is to help other parents out, as well as to vent for myself. Maybe one day someone going through the same hell will google "therapeutic foster care" and find this post.
I've learned that it isn't about making decisions that will please others- it's about making the best decisions for the family. If that turns out to bite me in the butt by upsetting family or friends... So be it. I made the right choice and everyone is benefiting from it.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Another article worth a read
“Are We There Yet?”
Traveling with a Child with Autism
By Pamela Levac
Autism Asperger’s Digest,Nov-Dec 2007 issue (www.autismdigest.com)
Family vacations can be stressful under the best of circumstances. Throw a child or two with autism into the mix, and it can seem overwhelming and perhaps easier to just stay home. But more and more families who have children with autism spectrum disorders are traveling to all kinds of destinations near and far. Though vacationing with a spectrum child requires a good amount of planning, it can be a fun and rewarding experience for the whole family.
Preparation is key when traveling with a child with autism. It is essential to begin planning the vacation long before the actual date of departure. There are many things to consider, from getting the child acclimated to the idea and the destination to choosing appropriate lodging or ensuring your child will have familiar food available.
When making travel and hotel plans, take into account your child's particular sensory issues. Book rooms on the quiet side of the hotel, arrive at less-crowded hours, or bring along a kit filled with ear plugs, familiar toys, video games, snacks, comfortable clothes or whatever else might be needed to ease the transition.
Talk to your child about the upcoming trip and involve him or her in making plans. Have the family explore the destination beforehand: visit internet sites, get library books, travel brochures, and perhaps even request photos of the hotel room you'll be staying in. Some parents create story books that describe the vacation from start to finish, including each day's activities. If you are driving, map out a route for your child to follow, with all the stops (including breaks!) marked along the way. This can ease travel anxieties and make a long trip more palatable to the concrete thinking mind of the spectrum child. Be sure to talk about the vacation frequently to calm worries and rev up excitement, or read your travel story book regularly.
As every parent of a child with ASD knows, routines and predictability are like air and water for a child who doesn’t handle new situations easily. And, travel to unknown destinations can literally starve these kids of the familiarity that is their lifeblood.
Go back to your story book and be sure to emphasize things that will remain the same. We’ll still eat meals together; you’ll have your favorite T-shirt; there will be your beloved cereal for breakfast. If vacation involves a repeat destination year after year, for instance to a family condo, the transition turmoil will get better with time. Peggy, mother of Eric who has autism, says "The first few times you go someplace new, it's hard. He wants to come home so badly. But each year it gets easier."
Danielle, the mother of Pierre and William, both with autism, takes her family on an annual car trip to visit relatives at Christmas time. She offers the following advice: "Keep the events as simple as possible. They like to do the same things every year. Create new traditions."
Airports, planes and trains can be sources of fascination, distress, or both for children with autism. Peggy says, "Eric finds airports and planes to be interesting, but delays, long lines and schedule changes are difficult." Some delays are unavoidable, but traveling off-peak, bringing along books on tape, hand-held video games or puzzles can help. Scan the area for a quiet space to retreat to when you notice signs of overload. If you can talk to airport personnel ahead of time or bring a copy of your child's diagnosis, you may be able to sidestep waiting in long lines. If you must wait, one of you can take the child aside to distract her with stories or a snack.
Choosing to travel as a family alone or with other people is also an important consideration. If you do decide to vacation with others, Peggy recommends traveling with people who "get it." Pair up with friends or relatives who you know can deal with your child's need for space, regularity, simple routines and familiar food. Also make sure you travel with someone who can handle meltdowns without getting upset or offended. Somewhere, sometime, they will occur.
Danielle strongly believes that spectrum children should not be hidden away. "The world is vast and diverse. Because individuals with autism tend to not want to socialize by nature, I believe it is important to impose the reality of having to accept and deal with the fluctuations of daily life." Though it may be challenging at times, it is worth getting out there and seeing the world, both for the child with autism and for everyone he meets.
“Are We There Yet?”
Traveling with a Child with Autism
By Pamela Levac
Autism Asperger’s Digest,Nov-Dec 2007 issue (www.autismdigest.com)
Special Travel Options Arranged Specifically for People
Who Live with Children or Adults with ASD
More and more families are enjoying the comfort and familiarity of travel options arranged specifically for people who live with children or adults with ASD.
One such venue is a cruise run by Autism on the Seas (http://www.alumnicruises.org/
The cruise ships have an Autism Group Specialist on board and even cater to a child’s special dietary needs. There are opportunities to dine with other families or children with autism. Activities for the whole family, such as bingo, are adapted so everyone can have fun together. Sibling celebrations offer the brothers and sisters of spectrum children a chance to socialize and maybe share some of their highs and lows. There are social gatherings for teens with autism, and even respite time for parents. It’s a supportive environment where families can build new friendships and feel comfortable.
Sometimes it might be necessary to consider traveling without your spectrum child. Peggy has two adopted daughters from China who do not have autism. She would like to travel with them to their birth country unencumbered by the significant adaptations they would need to make for Eric. Peggy fears the long distance, the very unfamiliar sights, sounds and food of China will be too much for Eric to handle. She doesn't want her girls to be stuck in a hotel room watching TV on a once in a lifetime trip. So, even though it is a difficult decision to divide the family, she and her husband will travel to China with their daughters. As for Eric, he’ll spend time with favorite relatives while they are away, and Peggy plans to take him on a special train trip to Vancouver when they return from China.
Finally, if at all possible, don't skimp on those fundamental things that will make or break your vacation. It's worth paying a few extra dollars for a seat in first class or a nicer hotel room with free movies, if this will make your child’s (and therefore your family’s) trip easier and more enjoyable. Anticipating vacations is often half the fun. With spectrum children, a month or two (or three) of anticipation, careful planning and preparation can make all the difference. Bon voyage!
SIDEBAR (good to be boxed or color highlighted)
Travel Tips
- create a story book about your trip to read to your child beforehand
- choose an appropriate destination (quiet, somewhat familiar)
- call ahead to ask about special services, meals and accommodations
- consider a vacation rental instead of a hotel, so you can prepare your own meals
- if you are driving, map out stops ahead of time, and prepare for delays
- carry with you a “sensory pack” containing plenty of familiar food, toys and other essentials
- brainstorm possible problems and create a contingency plan
- talk to other families who have traveled for real-world ideas and advice
- plan structured activities for every day; don’t abandon using visual schedules just because it’s vacation!
- make sure to include some activities for everyone, including parents and other siblings
- travel at quieter times of the year
- bring a copy of your child's diagnosis to show personnel if necessary
- be flexible, and try to keep your sense of humor
Helpful Resources
Making Peace with Autism: One family's story of struggle, discovery and unexpected gifts by Susan Senator. Trumpeter Books, December 2006.
"How to Plan a Vacation with Your Autistic Loved One" by About.com’s autism guide, Lisa Jo Rudy. http://autism.about.com/od/
UK Guardian’s website has a helpful travel section: http://travel.guardian.co.uk/
BIO
Pamela Levac lives in Canada where she writes, paints and mothers her children. She is fascinated by the workings of the brain and has a keen interest in Autism Spectrum Disorders. She welcomes email at pamela-246@hotmail.com.
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